A Past Life
by Saria118
Summary: Red vs Blue: The story of how Leonard and Allison met, fell in love and lived before they both eventually died in two differing senses of the word. Told for Director Church's POV.
1. Entry 1

From the desk of Dr. Leonard L. Church - Entry 1

As these years go on I feel it is my duty to write not only of my life and the creation of project freelancer but of the woman who truly made it, because you see our lives where so closely intertwined that it would be unfair to her to call these entries my memoirs but rather our story.

It was the spring of my 11th year where our story begins, a new family had moved into our small Texan town though it wasn't much of a family just a woman and her daughter who, for reasons I wasn't informed of until much later in life, had moved from the hustling city of Houtson for a quieter life in our little town. Now my mother was what one would call a busy body so of coarse when a single mother moved into her town she welcomed both her and the child into our home. Father always hated and loved that aspect of my mother. As a child I often wondered what he meant by that. How could you love and hate someone? I would ask myself; it wasn't until I grew older that I understood. Looking back I truly am my fathers child. Now this day in spring or more precisely that Sunday afternoon in March is the day that stands out most in my childhood the day that meant more to me than any other. More than when I broke my arm riding down the dead man's hill, more than when I won the state championship science fair, more than when I was voted class President and even more than when my dear grandmother died. All of these moments failed in comparison to the day I met Allison.

Before I was even aware of my mother's plans for the evening I had gone to the downtown district to acquire various things that the young boy I was would have felt were the staples of life itself, one item in particular was the newest issue of my favorite comic book. I walked down the street home that day with my face in said comic; I had always prided myself on my ability to multi-task particularly the ability walk and read at the same time without missing a single word or touching a single person. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself on the hard sidewalk cement with a small persons weight holding me in place. Once the initial pain subsided I opened my eyes looking to find the person responsible all to ready to chew them out, but when I turn my head slightly I was dumbfounded for I saw an angel. This angel who had somehow fallen on top of me had soft bright orange hair that tickled me nose when she moved ever so slightly, her skin was soft as well but had oddly calloused hands like she worked far more than she need and her eyes when she stared at me with those big shining blue eyes I swear my entire body stopped working. And then she spoke,

"Why don't you pay attention retard?" With one sentence my angel turned into a devil and I was brought back to my senses. I stared at this demon girl right in the eye and yelled back,

"You're the stupid bitch that decided to run like chicken without its head on a crowed sidewalk!" It seemed like I had stuck a chord in her because when she got up she took the extra effort to kick me before I stood up quite literally incapacitating me on the sidewalk in far too much pain to even give a proper retort as she walked away shouting.

"Your just lucky none of this broke cause then you'd be wishing you where never born ASS HOLE!" My thoughts as I tried to compose myself was of a simple hope that I would never see this horrid girl again, and perhaps my life would have gone more smoothly had god chose to listen to my silent prayer.

It took me a little longer to get home that day though I was sure neither of my parents were aware that I had arrived home far later than usual. When I stepped through the door I was greeted by the smell of my mothers cooking but it wasn't just any scent, it was the smell of my mothers best dish the one she would only cook when we had company and she felt she had to show off for. Even as a child I found my mother all too predictable, but I found it peculiar that I was just learning of company now. Normally my mother would have gone off on a tangent about me being on my best behavior weeks in advance. So when I walked into the kitchen I made an inquiry,

"Mom are we having guests for dinner?" My mother was startled nearly cutting her fingers, she was never good with surprises you see, as she turned to me only then realizing how close dinner was and with her sweetest smile she told me why we had unplanned guests that evening.

"Why yes we are Leonard, I should have told you but you see when I went out to town this morning I met a woman who just moved to town. So as a kind gustier I invited her and her adorable daughter over for dinner. Now Leonard I want you on your best behavior and do try to be friends with the girl she's your age and could use a friend." I had told my mother what she wanted to hear not truly listening to her ramble, before retuning to my room. I don't quite recall what I was doing then but I do remember my mother scureing around the house to get my father and I ready for our guests. I then remember she dragged me to the door, obviously so she could introduce me to this new girl. Mother always felt that I never had enough friends and would often find excuses to put me into relationships I'd rather not be part of. When she opened are dark front door I should have know right then and there that god would forever enjoy tormenting me. For before me was the girl, who had with one swift kick, left me incapacitated on the sidewalk. My mother's cheerful and ever so slightly patronizing voice was the only thing stopping me from returning the favor to this girl.

"Oh I'm so happy you could come and join us for dinner I know it must be hard to get a proper meal after moving into a new town. Now this," my mother said holding me firmly in front of her.

"Is my son that I told you about Leonard. I'm sure our children will get along nicely." She had started to push me which meant she wanted me to put my hand out and agree with everything she said, however I was at that time all too angry to pretend to be cordial to this girl so my arms stayed firmly folded and my eyes fixated on glaring, which she was all to pleased to return. Her mother was far meeker than she was I have to admit for all the years I knew her one thing I knew for certain was that the only thing she inherited from her mother was her blue eyes, but none the less she tried to make the scene friendly again.

"Yes I do hope so. Leonard this is my daughter Allison." Now I was a rather brash child, though I suppose that was something that stuck with me most of my life, and often said things my mother would reprimand me for later this was one of those things.

"Your name is Allison? That seems like a way too sweet and girly name for an angry bitch like you." I felt like I had won for a minute there barely paying attention to my mother or the fact that she had just called father, it wasn't until I saw her smirk that realized she wasn't done with me.

"Well it's too bad that you think so. Cause Leonard seems to be the perfect name for pussy like you." It was then her mothers turn to be appalled by her child's language. But we didn't care we were in our own private war that our parents had no knowledge of and it didn't take long for our battle of wits to turn into a brawl in the foyer of my childhood home. In all honestly I cannot remember exactly what sparked the fistfight or how long it went on for, I do remember my father and her mother pulling us apart and my mother saying that dinner would calm us down. It didn't. Our fight hadn't stopped but our battle had changed our eyes were starring the other down only looking away to cut our meat or pass a plate. As our parents talked of things that had no meaning to us we silently held our battle. I started it by, while my parents were distracted, showing Allison the contents of my mouth hoping it would disgust her. She however sent a counter attack in a corn kern shot at me through her nose. I remember being impressed by this, when I had to eat with other girls they would have me appalled and started crying but not Allison for every disgusting thing I did she matched with something equally revolting. And I think that was one of the reasons why I loved her was because I could never win with her, every insult I threw she sent a better one back, for every punch I sent she could block it, and for every accomplishment I made she could think of something better to keep my ego down.

Our fight ended that night with us laughing, from what I can't recall but with our laughter we made a truce for at the very least that night. When Allison left I was more or less displeased that dinner had to end so early.

Now the next morning I remember being uncharacteristically excited for school. At the time I didn't know why but I wanted to see Alison again. I know now that it was because even at such a young age I was already in love with her. This feeling left me however when I approached the school gates.

"Hey Dick Head!" Before I was able to react my head was locked into a soft small arm and I knew who it was without looking.

"What your problem bitch! I thought we settled this?" I yelled as she ground her fist into my head, I had hoped it would be over as we were already making a scene and a small crowed had formed around us. But no, Allison never did care much for discrepancy in personal matters like this.

"As if! I just didn't wanna cause my mom any problems 'cause you decided to be an Ass Hole and attack me!" Now I was angry but I couldn't get out of her hold so I did what I always did, I used my words.

"Yeah well, you're the one that ran into me than called me a retard. Great first impression there and what a great one your making now on your first day!" It was then that Allison actually looked around to see the group of kids that had watched us and I saw on her face an expression I had only bore witness to a small handful of times in my entire existence, she was embarrassed. I had unintentionally hurt as I always did, I wanted to apologize but before I could she spoke.

"Hey we're even now so just leave me alone, Leonard." I remembered how she said that with such venom that I actually hated myself. As I walked to class I again prayed hopelessly to god that I'd never see her again. And yet again he didn't listen I wonder now if this was his punishment for what I would do in the future.

"Class I'd like to introduce to you a new student, her name is Allison MaCoy and I'd like you all to help her on her first day here. Allison there is any empty seat you can take right next to Leonard." When my teacher said that I thought of it as a death sentence, as Allison approached me I turned my head to the left so our eyes wouldn't meet. There was a silent message there that Allison understood, 'I will never bother you again.' If only things could have stayed that way.

A month into her time at our school Allison had already gained a reputation that no child would have wanted becoming the most feared person at our school. No one would approach her. But that didn't stop the rumors the kids would spread like a cold. I was told a few of the rumors some said her dad was killed by the mob and that she was in witness protection or that her mom going straight after being a prostitute but I knew even then none of that was true. I never spoke up in her defense just insulted whom ever was telling be the latest rumor for wasting my time. However I grew a backbone when our teacher announced a project.

"Now everyone divide into groups of two or three and then we'll pick which country each of you will do the project on alright." Her response was the cheerful replay her class as we all got up and began to pair off when she was called to the office.

"I'll just be a minute everyone now behave yourselves." She said be for she ran out. The groups where picked rather quickly I was with two people that I consider were good enough to be my friends until,

"Hey look no ones asked Allison to be in their group."

"And why would they that girl is scary remember what she did to Len on her first day?"

"Oh yeah that was bad" I felt a twinge of anger then but thought nothing of it I promised I wouldn't bother her and I was going to keep that promise. But then,

"Hey one of you girls should take her in your group before the teacher makes one of us take her."

"What no way"

"Yeah she's like way to mean and scary and she doesn't even like dolls or pink, you boys would be able to deal with her better."

This argument went back and forth for some time all the while Allison could easily hear, and my anger grew to the point where I couldn't take it. I had always had a temper and when I couldn't control it, it often got me into trouble.

"ALL OF YOU JUST THE FUCK SHUT UP!" This was not one of those times.

"Quit talking about her like she's not even here! So she made a bad first impression, So What! It's not like any of you can talk you've all done something stupid you've regretted and don't even say you haven't cause we all know it's a lie. But you idiots didn't even give her a chance cause if you did you'd know that Allison is a hell of a lot cooler than all of you and especially you lame ass girls! So just leave her alone already cause I know you guys are just jealous that you're not as strong as her!" I remember that then I was not thinking any more just running on pure emotion, which I found over the years to never be a good thing but in this one instance listening to my emotion was a good thing as I walked up to her desk.

"I know I'm not suppose to bother you anymore but would you be my partner I want to do a report on England but those guys only wanna do Brazil cause of Soccer and stuff. So do you wanna be my partner?" She was staring at me the entire time, even when I looked away out of embarrassment I could still feel her beautiful blue eyes on me. And then with tears forming in her eyes but far to proud to ever let them fall she gave her response.

"Sure England's cool. " Then she in her soft voice that I only heard at her most vulnerable said,

"Thanks Leonard. But you know your friends probably won't talk to you anymore" I smiled, held out my hand and looking straight at her said,

"That's ok they weren't really my friends." Smiling right back she took my hand and from then on Allison and I were inseparable.

* * *

><p>Alright so I made this because I LOVE RvB and the complicated relationship between Tex and Church but I couldn't quite come up with a story just between them so I got to thinking just what kind of relationship Leonard and Allison who are the originals had. In my head I see the Director as being unemotional so for him to be stuck on this one girl for so long I think she would have had to have been a MAJOR part of his life hence why our story starts in childhood. I'm going to continue this with the turning points in their lives and hopefully ending it with spolier (sarcasm) Allisons death. But tell me what you think I love constructive criticism.<p>

Disclaimer I don't own these characters or RvB and I'm glad I don't cause then I wouldn't be able to fangirl over it.


	2. Entry 2

From the desk of Dr. Leonard L. Church - Entry 2

I remember these innocent moments we shared in our childhood fondly, Allison and I spent our days together, as my mother would say, conjoined at the hip. We would meet at the school waiting for the other only to berate the other for being late. Afternoons were spent in our own ways, mostly arguing or fighting over nonsensical things but they were always in jest. Unless of coarse I unintentionally upset her in which case she refused to speak with me for days. When my parents went out for the night I would stay at her house, my parents never did find out that her mother was rarely home before 10 and our nutritious supper was comprised of cereal and peanut butter sandwiches as we watched television. If Allison didn't like one of her mother's new boyfriends she'd invite herself in for the night, my mother never minded as she found Allison delightful, even now I still wonder why. Sometimes we would sneak out of the house late at night to gaze at the stars Allison loved looking up at them she always wanted to see what was out there.

Our carefree days went on like this for years even after Allison came upon more friends, the mentally deficient children at our school finally realizing their mistake and I taking up more after school programs that were highly suggested by my parents, we still found time for each other and over time found that we could always depend on each other.

However I remained blissfully unaware of just what extent my feelings towards Allison were. I thought in my naive youth that the feelings I held for her were nothing more than what anyone would feel to their close friend. That is until our first school dance.

We were approximately 13 years old and our bodies had just started to grow Allison was much taller than me but now I was starting to catch up. However Allison was also one of the first students to develop at our school and well lets say I learn of the horrors of PMS very early in life. Now I was never one to be interested in things like school dances, neither was Allison, and if it weren't for my mothers insistent nagging I never would have gone to my senior prom. So when the notion of a dance was first brought to my attention unlike the annoying masses of our school I did not panic nor worry about finding a date, I did not think of how I'd look if I didn't go with a date and I certainty did not think my life would be over if I did not go at all. To be honest I actually planned on spending that night just like any other.

That plan changed a few days later as Allison and I walked home from school. She had just finished with soccer practice and I had waited a few minutes for her after the math team let out. I knew even then that something was out of place that day Allison came out a little later than usual and when she did she look confused. We walked for a while before she said anything I had learnt it was best not to pry with Allison.

"Hey Leonard, you know that dance everyone is going crazy about, are you going?" She said it in such a way that it made her sound as though she was faking nonchalance. I remember my heart started to race for some reason unknown to me, never the less I replied.

"No I'm not going the whole thing seems kinda lame." She laughed at this.

"Yeah it does but I figure I may as well give it a chance. Besides Tommy grew a pair and asked me so I'll go with him and make my decision." I don't know what upset me more that someone else had asked her to go to the dance or the fact she agreed. I was silent the rest of the way home even after Alison left, festering in my anger. I cannot remember how but I came to the decision that if Allison was going to go I was as well.

The next day I found someone adequate enough to go with me her, just what her name was I can't really recall something that began with a C I think so I will refer to her as Cindy, she was a studious girl in my science club she was fairly popular and was pretty but nothing like Alison. In my misguided youth I thought that if I did what Alison had done that made me upset my un-relenting anger would subside. I used this hypothesis many times in my life, and every time it rendered the same results, I felt worse. When I entered that silly dance with Cindy that night I should have known the plan didn't work then and never would in the future. I saw Alison with her teammate Tommy and I felt like I was going to reach my boiling point until she approached me. Dressed in a simple pale blue dress she stood out form all the gaudy things the others were wearing, my date included, her bangs that always seemed to grow just a little too long due the fact that she rarely paid any attention to them were pulled back with a small matching blue headband, she even had on a small amount of make most likely her mother doing. I found myself thanking that woman if Alison had her way she would have come in her normal apparel, and I never would have this image in my mind. To put it simply Alison was beautiful.

"Hey Len. You just get here?" Somehow I managed to get myself composed before she spoke to me.

"Yeah well someone took too long getting ready." I don't remember if I said this only to Alison or if I said it loud enough for my date to hear but I really did not care either way.

"Well don't worry you didn't miss anything. As it is I don't see why everyone was so worked up over this." She joked back gesturing to the room. Alison was right the dance was nothing too impressive only our school gymnasium with some bright party decorations, a few cafeteria benches pushed together to make a meager buffet of snacks and sweets that would more than likely make a few weak willed children over dose on sugar, a few bight colored lights, and one of the music teachers attempting to play appropriate songs that students would like. In all honestly my expectation were met but then they were never high to begin with. I had wanted to continue the conversation but Cindy had decided to open her big mouth.

"Ahem. I think your date is waiting for you." She said in her revoltingly snotty voice why anyone could stand to be around this girl for more than five minutes was beyond my comprehension even back. With that Alison left seeing that Tommy was waiting for her with a drink. And the anger that had subsided was brought back into light even as Cindy dragged me to the other end of the room where her friends were located. In all my years I have never found a torture as horrid as having to listen to snobby teenage girls ramble and as they grew it only became worse. I wasted what had to have ten minutes of my life listening to this babble before I left with the excuse of getting food I don't even think she realized I left, which was better for me really I think the only reason she agreed to come with me was to show off for a few minutes to her friends, I was often consider good looking but what made me desirable was my unattainable status as I never really cared.

I checked my watch showing that it was only half-past seven and my father would come to pick me up promptly in at 8, now I could have walked home by myself but I knew if I did that my mother would yell at me for being so reckless and if I called to be picked up earlier I would have been berated for being antisocial. So in order to not have that battle, which I would have until approximately 10 times a year until the day she died, I moved to the refreshments table only to find Alison there alone. I called out to her.

"Hey Al! So any of this stuff edible?" I asked gesturing to the food on the table. She laughed and replied.

"Yeah the school actually sprung for store made stuff, instead of the crap they usually feed us."

"Probably didn't want to pay the cafeteria workers overtime." Once our laughter subsided a silence took over one that, even I someone who was accustomed to moments like these, disturbed me. I remember looking out to the center of the Gym that was made into the dance floor dozens of a classmates moving around like the idiots they were or rather are if any are still alive, it was a drool scene one or two were actually good and a few pathetic enough to laugh at but none the less nothing to interesting, then something caught my eye. It was Tommy dancing in the middle of the floor with someone who was not Alison, I turned to her and as if she knew what I saw she told me what had happen.

"They're cute aren't they Tommy and Karen, see he wanted to ask her out but she had already agreed to go with her friends as a girls night out thing. So he was too embarrassed to come by himself and he asked me to come. It's no big deal my mom'll be here round 8." With the way she said that to anyone else she would have seemed fine but to me I could see it the pain in her eyes.

"So why did you agree to come if you knew this would happen?" I asked partly from curiosity and partly from my own bitterness.

"Well we are teammates and all I just thought I'd be nice."

"You're lying." I remember being shocked then, rarely did Alison ever lie she never really found reason for it.

"Guess I can't get anything past you Len. Look it's not like I like the guy or anything it's just he asked and I felt flattered." She looked down then and her voice got softer. "It's not like anyone was gonna ask me anyway." When she said that everything suddenly clicked in my mind, I was jealous. I was jealous of Tommy for doing something I had wanted to do but couldn't, I was jealous that he got to spend most of the evening by her side when it should have been and then I felt anger with this revelation because he was able to do this and yet he spent the night starring at another girl. I looked away from Alison due to the embarrassment I felt form what I was about to say.

"If you told me that you wanted to go I would have asked you." I turned back to her then, hoping that she would somehow decipher my confession that she would understand what I meant, and it had looked like she did for just one split second she was surprised but then she laughed it off.

"Yeah but you're my friend it's different." I decided then not to become angry at how she just brushed that off, to not force her to realize that I indeed felt that way about her, instead I asked a simple question.

"Have you danced yet?"

"What?" Completely confused by my question.

"This is a dance after all to fully evaluate the experience we still have that left to do." Alison seemed pleased with my explanation and took my offer, it was an almost serendipitous moment as we got to the floor the music switch from perky pop to a slow medley, we looked at each other and silently agreed that it did not matter, we took each others hands and began our slow dance with the beats. It was awkward to say the least, first of all Alison was at least a head taller than me so she had to lead but then Alison did always seem to take the lead in our relationship, secondly neither of us had any real experience I had only dance this way a handful of times taking lessons on the insistence of my mother, so you can understand way it never stuck with me and Alison never really had the chance then. But as we swayed there trying not to step on each others feet and I held her hand in mine, or rather she held my hand in hers, I felt a sense of happiness not a word I usually used often but I realized later in life that I found it with Alison by my side, and when I caught her eyes in mine as she looked up from the ground just missing my left foot I saw a spark of what I was feeling as well.

I recall that we decided one dance was enough and proceeded to wait for our parents to pick us up on the steps of our school, it was a nice night and found it was far more pleasant outside the school than in it. So there we sat on the steps looking up at the stars with the muffled music playing in the background, we were silent but it was a comfortable silence, eventually Alison broke it.

"It's already 8 what do you think is taking them?"

" Meh. They probably think that they're doing us a favor by showing up late. I could call them if you want."

"Nah. I like getting to berate my mom about things like this cause I sure as hell can't say anything about her loser boyfriends." We both laughed at this and I took this lighthearted moment to ask her a question.

"Would it really be that bad to date?" Alison didn't look at me she just continued to gaze at the stars and after what felt like an eternity to me she gave her response.

"What's wrong with the way things are now? Why ruin this for something stupid like that?" I contemplated her words for a moment back then it made sense to me things were good, why change it? Had I know then what I know now I believe I would have responded by saying something a long the lines of, "because I don't like seeing you with other guys" or perhaps "because it's worth the risk." Instead I simply said,

"Yeah your right. Ugh this is taking forever! Well it's official I'll never do this again." It was now her turn to laugh.

"Well your right there what a waste of a night. I can't believe I missed the final rounds of UFC for this."

"What that was tonight! Dammit! Okay it's official this whole night sucked. Although it was probably worth it to see you in that get up." She yelled at proceed to punch me, but in a friendly way my arm would have fractured if she were actually trying to hurt me.

"It was my moms idea," my guess was proven correct. "Besides your not one to talk with how your dressed Nancy boy." We both had a good laugh at this. When we finished my fathers car could be seen in the distance and I stared to get up. I offered Alison a ride with us but she declined saying rubbing it in her mothers nose would even out the night. My father approach and as I began to walk away, she yelled to me.

"Hey thanks for making my night suck less, I'm glad you came." As I sat in my father car I contemplated the nights events and realized something. It did not matter what kind of relationship Alison and I shared so long as I could be near her it was enough for me, because she was someone worth waiting for.

* * *

><p>I'm not sure how I feel about chapter 2 I'm afraid i didn't get my point across, that being Leonard knows he has feelings for Alison but for some reason she doesn't want their relationship to change which will be brought up later.<p> 


	3. Entry 3

From the desk of Dr. Leonard L. Church - Entry 3

We were 17 in our third year of high school when our already confusing relationship took on a new, and generally frustrating on my part, aspect.

Now in school I always held high academic achievements in the areas of math and science in fact I could have graduated with high honors had I cared enough for any of my other classes to actually do the work. But as Literature and history bored me and I cared or rather I care little for the visual arts I came out of those classes with nothing higher than a C average. Now this was not my only characteristic that mother would try to sweet talk out of me, no the one that cause her constant turmoil was my habit of locking myself in my room for days on end to work on my newest ides, a trait I kept throughout my life. And as my father would never complain, for more often than not my ideas ended up helping his company, my mother made it her personal mission to relive me of this habit. But over time I learnt how to throw her off. In an attempted to appeases her and stop her insistent nagging at my becoming a hermit I joined the schools science club. Somehow I had become the head of the club a rather remarkable achievement as I was the one least likely to show up to the actual meetings, but they could not deny that if anyone was going to get something done it was me. The club would often bother me on the phone or insistently ring my doorbell if they needed my assistance, an all to frequent occurrence. Soon they found out that when I did not want to be bothered I'd leave the house through the back or shut off my phone. They then learned that Alison would be the go between for a nominal fee; she made a fair amount of money off them over the years.

While I had flourished in the areas of science and technology Alison became fluent in more socially accepted areas namely sports. Alison had a different sport for every season and although she was quite possibly the most exceptional member of the teams by raw talent alone, she was never given recognition, even when offered to her. If asked to be team Captain she would refuse and recommend someone else and if she heard a rumor that she would get the title of MVP she would miss a few games. No one ever truly understood why she did this though not from lack of trying. It seemed as though every week she was taken to either a coaches office who would tell her the many opportunities she would miss if she continued to down play her achievements with her behavior or the consolers office who would try to "understand her" in that ever so condescending way that would make one want to physically hurt the poor fool. Even I myself didn't realize what she was doing until much later in life. She wanted to make sure she never disappointed anyone like the people in her life, namely her parents, did to her, just as she assumed everyone else in her life would all eventually do.

When working on a particularity exciting new program or blue print I'd work non stop only coming out of my room for food, to relieve myself or to keep up appearances, my mother never did find out that I had constructed a stow away ladder in order to leave my room. During these times Alison was the only one permitted to enter my room, sometimes she too would make use of the ladder and waste the day away, other times it was to warn me that the school would be calling soon or that the science club actually did need help, and on rare occasions she would come to make sure that I was eating. So when she entered my room as though it were her own, I gave only a half hearted greeting with a question as o why she was there. Normally she would nonchalantly say something along the lines of "Those science nerds need your help," or "Better get your ass to school or your moms gonna take your laptop away again," or even "Did you eat today?" But this time nothing, no sarcastic come back, no witty retort she just fell down on my bed. At the time I thought she was just sleeping having not being able to at her own home as she would often do and I left her alone focusing on my project. I later realized that she was not sleeping but rather thinking.

I don't clearly remember how much time passed while I worked the day away but I do know that when I had finally finished she was still there on the bed. At the time all I cared about was getting something to eat and reliving myself but I later realized that Alison did not move an inch when I came back, now to some this would mean very little but I knew that the only times she remained completely still was when she upset or thinking about something of relative importance, but at the time I did not care far to exhausted from working 20 hours straight. I remember collapsing on the bed next to Alison trying to will my mind asleep but before I could Alison spoke up.

"Hey, you still dating that girl Tiffany?" I should have questioned her about this but I was too tired to make an argument out of it so my reply was a simple yes. I remember the girl quite clearly; my mother introduced us in a diluted attempt to make me more social. Tiffany went to a private all girls catholic school and as such was exited at the mere thought of having a boyfriend not really minding that I rarely called her or showed any interest in what she cared about but she knew not to bother me while I worked and the relationship helped to distracted my mother so it was good enough.

"You ever think about sleeping with her?" Now that got my attention. I could blame it on my sleep-deprived state but in all honesty the only response I could give was,

"What?" Alison turned to me then and seeing what I can only assume was complete and utter confusion on my face decided to explain herself.

"Will's kinda been pushing it lately." I never liked any of Alison's boyfriends usually it was from my own jealousy and had she merely been a friend most of the guys she chose to have an actual relationship with were decent enough but every now and then she would date someone I absolutely despised, Will was one of them.

"But that's nothing new. What's bugging me now is the girls' on my team they've been talking non-stop about that shit, and you know I just started thinking is it really that big a deal? It's like no one even waits for marriage anymore so like aside form disease what the big deal of waiting? Just looking for your take on the whole thing." As she said this to me I realized what she meant, sex was everywhere then and her mother was not what one would call the best role model regarding this topic. I could have said something to completely stop her thought of sleeping with Will had my brain had been operating at a higher capacity instead I told her what I truly thought about the topic.

"I see your point but I still think you should wait until you meet the right person and no I don't mean your true love or any bullshit like that. I think you should wait for someone you really trust someone you know who isn't just gonna take what you give but who's gonna cherish it. So no I don't think about Tiffany that way I don't trust her." At that time I assumed Alison had not listen to me as she remained quite and I drifted off into sleep when I awoke the next day Alison had silently left, an all to common occurrence later in life.

Weeks later I was working on a blueprint for something I can't really recall, all I can remember is that I thought it would be revolutionary only to later realized it was complete garbage. It was at this time as I was inspecting my work that Alison unceremoniously dropped her bag on my desk and ripped the blueprints from my hand.

"So just what have you locked yourself away in you room for?" she looked over the design and gave a snort, "This has to be the dumbest thing you've ever thought up. For such a smart guy why do you waste your time with these things?" My only response to her was an angry glare because somewhere even in my young and arrogant mind I knew she was right. However that did not stop me from making a sarcastic remark about why she was there, Alison smirked and questioned just how I was spending my time with out my parents.

Deciding it was time I took a break Alison confiscated my blueprints and dragged me downstairs for Pizza, courtesy of my fathers funds, and a movie marathon. One would think I would be angry about this but the fact is I was not, I'll admit as she pulled me down the stairs I was disgruntled but when she told me her plans I warmed up to the idea of a break. Looking back on it now perhaps I should have made more of an effort to push her away that day.

"When are your parents supposed to get back?" Alison asked during a movie so softly that a barely heard her over the movies special effects.

"Sometime in the afternoon tomorrow not exactly sure when but I'm not complaining." I remembered not thinking much of her statement but looking back it was a rather odd statement for her as she was free to come and go as she pleased in my childhood home my parents thinking nothing of her presence there. But back then I cared more about re-watching some over paid moron pretend to flight off a horrid of zombies in poorly written movie than analyze Alison's actions. So I began to drink my cola when almost as though I were in a rather cruel romantic comedy she said,

"Do you wanna have sex?" and just like that it took all my self-control not to expel the contents of my drink on my parents coffee table. I faced Alison trying to search her face to give away any information that would make sense of her statement, but there was nothing. No sign of humor in her eyes, her lips in a perfect line, she was completely and utterly serious and I dumbfounded. I have always found stuttering a horrible trait mocking those out right for this common tick of the nerves but in this on instance I allowed myself to succumb to it.

"Wha...what? What are you... Your not... You can't...ju...where is..where is this coming from?" Alison shook head as though I had just asked something that had such a clear and known answer that there was no need to ask such as 'what color is the sun?' With a laugh she answered.

"From you. Remember you said the first time should be with someone you trust, and you know that made sense to me so then I thought who is someone I trust, and well unfortunately the only person I really trust is you." To this day I am still unsure of just what surprised me more about her statement, that she actually took my advice or that she admitted she trusted me above all others. I would like to say that I handled this situation with a level head that I treated this with the same nonchalance that Alison showed. But that would be a blatant lie. I was scared terrified even I wracked my brain trying to find any reason I could to change Alison's mind.

"Are you sure you want to do this I mean we don't even have you know protection," Almost immediately after the words left me she produce a small plastic square which I knew contained a condom. I remember trying to ask her where she got it but she gave me her patented 'do you really have to ask ' look, which told me she had taken it from her mother. With my first attempt being a failure I made another it was pathetic I realize, even then, trying to worm my way out of this scenario but I was young and may I say scared with no true idea on how to handle this situation. I honestly don't recall how long I rambled nor what I said but I do distinctly remember Alison's rebuttal.

"Leonard are you gay or something" she looked at me so curiously as though this was the only logical conclusion one could come to for my aversion to her idea.

"What! No! Jesus why would you ask that?" I believe it was at this moment that I stopped thinking rationally.

"Then prove it!" She smirked as she gave her challenge leaning in depriving me of my person space because she knew she had won out. In hindsight I realized that I should never have tried to beat Alison like this she knew my far too well, she knew that by attacking my ego she could get me to agree to just about anything. Before I knew it we were in my room once again this time for an entirely different reason. We sat on the bed both of us entirely unsure of our selves and what we had just decided to do. Alison made the first move, as I found she often would in this side of our relationship, pressing her lips powerfully against mine. For the second time that day I was left at a loss as to what I should do so passively I sat there and reveled in this moment in the feeling of her lips on mine. She stopped at one point and looked at me with eyes so filled with passion that made me think this meant as much to her as it did to me. This was only a theory however as Alison herself never did tell me why she had decided to do this always skillfully avoiding the question sometimes even acting as though the act never occurred. At that moment though my mind shut off and I acted purely on instinct capturing her lips with my own hoping foolishly that this would change things between us.

We were a mess of fumbling hands and awkward touches often laughing when something went wrong, such as when she missed one button on my shirt getting it caught on my head or when I fell into her when trying to remove her bra. Somehow Alison had positioned herself on top of me, a position she would favor for the rest of her life. Alison always enjoyed being in control so it never came as shock to me that only on special occasions would Alison allow me the privilege of being in control in these situations. Soon we found what it was we needed to do and when the proverbial deed was done we collapsed into sleep.

I awoke in a haze hours later Alison having already left the only reason I knew that what I just experienced was not a dream was the disarray of my room, the sound of the television that we never bothered to shut off and the bra she had missed on the floor. I sat there contemplating our actions and while a part of me an idiotically optimistic part of me hoped that this would change things between us and that Alison had crossed the line she set so long ago. I knew that this changed nothing.

The next day I arrived at school with her bra in a plastic grocery bag taunting her for leaving such an important item behind, she laughed and things were back to the way the were, I still dated Tiffany she stayed with Will. But to say that things stayed precisely as they had been would be a lie. No rather it took an unexpected turn.

A month or so later I can't truly recall a rumor started to spread about Alison and Will, the idiot was apparently unable to keep his unruly mouth shut. I asked or rather interrogated Alison about it and her response was a shrug of the shoulders stating that he wasn't very good. In my jealousy, like my anger, I made stupid decisions. This one however involved Tiffany I don't believe I have to explain just what I did in these notes all I wish to say is that my actions did nothing to help me if anything I felt worse. I only received an ounce of satisfaction a few days later when I told Alison just as emotionlessly as she, I could have sworn I saw a hint of anger in her eyes before she turned away from me. Alison covered her tacks by saying that she was glad the uptight prude got some help. But I saw it I know I did, it was a look I'd become familiar with over the years.

I don't remember how much later it occur but Alison let Will loose the true reason is a much a mystery to me as it was him, who venomously stated he dumped her; she merely said that he was getting annoying. A few days later we slept together. Another day or so after that I broke things off with Tiffany sparing her feelings by telling her that my life was getting to busy to give her the attention she deserved. And thus our vicious cycle began. Every now and then Alison would get a new boyfriend, whom I'd despise, in retaliation I'd gain a girlfriend. She would sleep with me only to then sleep with who ever she was dating. In my jealousy I'd do the same to the girl I was with, I would tell her and she would look at me as though she would kill me but instead slept with me. I would dump whom ever I was with. Sometimes Alison would dump the boy sometimes string him along for another round but it was always the same the only constant in this cycle was that we only had sex in my bed together and that we never changed our attitudes towards each other, to anyone looking on the outside the idea of the two of us being active together was a ludicrous thought.

To this day I am unaware of just Alison was trying to prove or if she was even thinking when we did this. Was she testing me? Seeing if I could treat things separately. Was she testing them and using me to determine there worth? Or was she trying to prove something to herself? I doubt that I will ever truly know why we did what we did.

* * *

><p>Ok so this chapter took longer to write than I thought it would my life has kinda been keeping me away from it and the chapter it self was rather hard for me to write. What I wanted to get across here was something Church often brought up in the original series that Tex would sleep with other guys and leave him in the morning, I also remembered that in the New Years PSA Church's resolutions for Tex went like this " meant nothing to me how many times are we going to have this arguement?" meaning he'd done it as well. I figure some of the memories wouldn't quite be the same but similar so Alison and Leonard sleep together but aren't actually dating and she always seems to choose someone else over him.<p>

I also wanted to show the differences between them Leonard is all into science and Alison is more physical but they both seem to down play their potentials so they are slowly becoming more like the counterparts we know and love.


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